or so I thought…

claudias-book-quoteYou know, some days just seem to start out a bit more of a struggle than others. Today was one of those struggle days. Struggle to accept changes that are being thrown at me. Struggle just to get started with what’s on my list of “to do’s”. Just a struggle. I really hate days like this. Mostly because it takes hold of your very soul and seems to try to back you into a corner and not let you out. The tears that have been pushed back for so long seem to flow easily and won’t quit.

Why is it so hard to accept the fact that you’re not quite as tough as you’d like the rest of the world believe you are?

I’m struggling to figure out how to deal with the “new normal” in so many circumstances. Isn’t life supposed to get easier as you get older? Or so I thought. Maybe these struggles are just more feeling sorry for myself. I hope not. I’ve always been one to not allow myself to get to that point. Or so I thought. I think I’ve always tried to look for the positive in most circumstances. Or so I thought. There’s always a reason for circumstances to occur, right?

One day, I’ll probably look back on this day and see why it all happened the way it did…”The Glorious Unfolding“.

It’s the “lasts” that are working on me. The last prom. The last FBLA awards ceremony. The last…the last…the last. It’s hard to focus on what’s to come because it’s unknown. What I’m used to and daily routines are safe. It’s secure. It’s what I love. I know I have lots of new firsts to enjoy and look forward to but right now those aren’t in my thoughts. It’s getting through all of the “lasts” that I’m concerned about.

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Yep, one very tiny bathroom for four daughters. They learned how to make it work every day!

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IMG_2192-5Photo credit goes to Taylor.

IMG_2211-16Photo credit goes to Taylor.

IMG_2225-7Photo credit goes to Taylor.

IMG_0985Nebraska State FBLA awards ceremony.

IMG_0991She’s headed to Atlanta to compete at Nationals!

IMG_7645This entire group will be going to Nationals. Congrats!!!

IMG_7647Seniors last state conference.

IMG_7658Last conference for both of them. After 33 years, Mr. Shrader is retiring from teaching and FBLA advisor. We were so fortunate to have had him involved with each of the girls!! Thank you, Mr. Shrader, for being a positive influence and mentor!

IMG_7656 Friends since kindergarten.

I just stepped outside to hang some clothes on the clothesline. What I heard has given me hope. I heard the shrill chirping of the wren. She’s back! I can count on her being back the same time of the year. What this has told me is that regardless of what changes occur, regardless of what happens, the world will go on as it should. And I have to trust that God has this next stage of my life figured out for me.

The words of this song mean so much to me right now!

 

4 comments on “or so I thought…

  1. mom says:

    Hi Tracy.. I guess it must be the weather..I have had the “blues” as well…I spent all night dreaming of Mother….and have looked at pictures all day….your message today and pictures
    are wonderful…Taylor…you are awesome..and congratulations Callie. Your dress is beautiful.
    and Happy Anniversary 4-17-2016 Tracy and Jim…

  2. Doug Lafuze says:

    They say time marches on and they mean it! I just wish I could find the guy keeping the cadence and ask him to slow it down! Margaret’s going to be a junior next year, has her own car, a good summer job at the pool and is doing so many things on her own now. She’s needing dear old dad less and less these days, and while I’m proud of her for being so independent, it hurts to look back and see how fast it’s all flown by, and how soon both of my kids will be on their own… I feel your pain, I really do! Soon you’ll be starting it all over again with the grandkids though.

    • Nebraska Wheatie says:

      Having the grandkids is awesome!! They love you so much and it just makes my heart burst. But there’s something about having the kids in the same house with you day after day after day. And being a part of their world. When they leave, it’s never the same again.

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