ready to begin a new year

**WARNING – this could be much longer than you’ll want to spend reading and could have way more pictures than you’ll care to scroll through. However, if you find it interesting at all, just take a break and come back later. :)**

There were other things happening in our lives other than harvest. I had to look back on the past couple of posts just to see what I have already told and how much I really do have to get caught up on. The last post was about what I learned about fall harvest. And it was plenty.

But there was more to the story than just harvest.

Birthdays

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checking things off my list

Yes, we have started fall harvest. Up to today, though, Jim guessed only about 5% of the crop has been harvested in our area.

It was two weeks ago today that I crawled off the combine (I’ve been hired to drive a New Holland combine for a neighbor). I haven’t been back since. I was just sort of feeling like I was getting it. I’ve never picked corn or cut soybeans. Ever! I may have crawled in the seat for a little while way back when to help Jim while he got a truck moved or something. But to say I’ve had experience with corn or soybeans? Nope!

Picking corn is a whole different animal than cutting wheat. You have to line the combine up with rows, know how the field was planted with terraces and watch to make sure you’re on the right row. It’s not mindless cutting like wheat is. There’s not much forgiveness. If you’re off a row, the entire plan is off. And…I’m TRYING to do a good job for the farmer that hired me. The expectations I have on myself are great.

We had an amazing amount of time off due to rain (3+”) and SNOW ( 4″). Jim got back in the field today. I will be back tomorrow afternoon. The entire central part of the United States has been unable to harvest due to the amount of wet stuff we’ve had. With the cooler temps, it takes a whole lot more time to dry the grain and the ground than when we have rain delays in the summer.

So…what have I been up to the last two weeks, you ask? Even if you really don’t care, I’m about to fill you in. Continue reading

returning to “normal”

One week ago yesterday, we began the final journey home.

Our first trip – Pete/the “job” trailer and Frank/the header trailer – began two weeks ago today.

So, within the past two weeks, we’ve traveled nearly 3,000 miles getting equipment moved back home. The same road gets a bit weary and I often think about the over-the-road truckers and how monotonous their days must get.

Once the final turn is made and the trucks are shut off, the reality of what’s next sets in. And it doesn’t take long for the harvest mode mentality to disappear. In fact, it all feels like a dream now. A bit of a post-harvest “hangover” or depression sets in. I can’t explain why it happens or even why it does what it does but unless I get busy right away, it can feel pretty rough.

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it’s been 22 years

I don’t remember the exact day it happened.

Twenty-two years ago my world came crashing down – for the third time – while in Jordan, Montana.

While we were cutting wheat near Hutchinson, Kansas, I found out we were expecting baby number four. I hadn’t been feeling quite right and suspected that maybe I was pregnant. Maybe. But I wasn’t sick like I had been with the other three. I mean really sick. Sick like hyperemesis sick. Like not being able to quit puking sick.

So I visited the local clinic to be checked out.

“Could you be pregnant?”, they asked. I said, “I guess it’s a possibility.”

I was told to call the clinic back later that day and they would give me the result. Positive. Now…how in the world am I going to tell Jim I’m pregnant? Guess just tell him. 🙂

I never did get as sick as I had been with the others. Maybe that should have been my first clue? I was so excited about my growing belly and the fact that I could continue to take care of my family and “crew” (all of one additional guy) without having to feel like I was going to die.

It’s been long enough ago I’ve forgotten all the details. But what I will never forget is what I was doing the very instant I knew something was wrong. I was attempting to lift a five gallon water jug in the trailer house. We have to buy our water while we’re in Jordan. You don’t want to drink this extra salty, mineral-filled water.

It was a sickening, numbing feeling that instantly hit me. I thought…maybe if I just stop what I’m doing and sit down or lay down it will all go away. I still think about this particular day every time I lift one of those blue five gallon water jugs.

I called Dan the local PA. He told me to come to the clinic immediately and then sent me to Miles City for an ultrasound. I could tell by the look on the face of the gal doing the test that something wasn’t right. But she couldn’t say anything. The doctor confirmed the worst. There was no heartbeat. I immediately felt like I was going to be sick.

It wasn’t immediate but I eventually went into “labor”. I was 13 weeks along. Dan took care of me the entire time I was in the Jordan hospital. Things were different then. And I often think about the baby I lost that year – especially when we pull back into town. I remember feeling like I would never be the same. I would never be able to get over what had just happened. I remember walking the streets of the town late at night trying to understand why this had to happen. Especially so far away from home.

The people of this community were amazing! Dan came to our trailer house several times to check on me. Where else does the doctor make a “house visit” anymore? Or call to see how things are going? People brought food for our little harvest crew until I could get back on my feet. I was blessed to have had this happen where it did. I just didn’t know it at the time.

I find myself thinking about this more so today because of the premature birth of a dear friend’s baby. I had prayed for a miracle for her. She was only 20 weeks pregnant. But there was hope through others who shared their stories of delivering babies this young and they survived. Unfortunately, Henry wasn’t going to grow up here on earth. God had other plans for him. So, as I think about Emma and the emotions she’s going through tonight, it made me think about my own loss. I had two other miscarriages before the last one in Jordan. Each one never easier than the previous one.

I used to remember the due dates. I don’t anymore. All I can remember is that there were three – two between Jenna and Taylor and one between Taylor and Callie. I used to notice pregnant women more than usual. I don’t anymore. I used to wonder if they were boys or girls. I know that one day I will be reunited with them in heaven. They will be waiting for me to arrive and then I will be able to hold them in my arms.

I’ve told Taylor and Callie they must have very important purposes on this earth. If I had carried those babies to term, I would not have had either Taylor or Callie. And, I can’t imagine life without either one of them.

You see, I believe God has a plan for each one of us. And sometimes that plan includes the death of a baby. Doesn’t seem right at all. How could a loving God allow such a thing? He knows. He has the plan, not us. How can we question what He knows? So much doesn’t make sense, but I fully believe that one day it will.

All of this leads up to my final thought. Why do we women feel it so necessary to keep a miscarriage or the loss of a baby quiet? Why is it so important that we don’t tell anyone we’re pregnant until we’re in the second trimester? I understand everyone thinks differently. However, due to the losses I experienced, it would have been much easier to have gone through it with the help of others.

I didn’t tell anyone.

I didn’t think I was supposed to. Was it because I thought others would look at me with questions? Was it taboo to let others know that you were pregnant and now you’re not? I don’t know. I’ve thought about it all so much over the years. When I went through the heartache of miscarriage, there was nothing about it anywhere. Nothing to help the grieving mom and dad understand why it happened. I was so hungry for information to learn about the reason why. There was no google or internet to refer to.

Was it something I did? Was there something wrong with me? Why did I miscarry these babies? What caused this to happen? So many unanswered questions.

If I could give a bit of advice, it would be this…don’t deny yourself the love and care of others. The time you could use support, prayers, sympathy and care is during the moment of loss. Let the world know you’re pregnant right away. If the pregnancy ends with a miscarriage or the death of your baby, you will have the love and support of people who can help carry you through the difficult times. By keeping your pregnancy a secret, you also keep the pain of a loss a secret. That’s so very difficult to get through on your own. Believe me, I know. Being able to talk to someone – anyone – who would listen and would allow me to talk was the best therapy I had.

If you know of someone who is having to go through the loss of a baby, please don’t be afraid to ask them about it. They need you. They need to know you will listen and try to understand.  The pain of losing their baby is no different than dealing with the death of any loved one. It hurts and it takes an awful lot of time to work through the pain. Be there for them – in any way you can.

Time does lessen the pain but the heartache never really goes away – even after 22 years.

 

today was father’s day

Father's Day

Our goodbye picture. These little guys will sure change by the time we see them again.

A lot has happened since the last post on here. We went from unknown..to work. For a catch up on what the heck has happened, be sure to visit the All Aboard Wheat Harvest site. I don’t seem to get two blogs written very easily so it’s either one or the other. Just check both. 🙂

Today was Father’s Day.

We made it to Lyons, Kansas yesterday. It seemed like it took forever to gather up all the loose ends and get out the driveway. It was funny, though, how both Jim and I sort of finished up our gathering about the same time. The final item on my list was crossed off just about the same time Jim asked me if I was getting close. It was noon. And it was hot, humid and very hot! We stopped in Plymouth for fuel in my pickup and a bite to eat and then we never stopped again until we reached the farmyard. This was about 8:30 pm.

We quickly parked the Pete and The Beast, gathered up a few items and headed for Lyons to get the trailer house parked. The spot we had picked over a week ago had been taken – even though Jim called a couple of times to reassure the fact that we would have the space. But, no big deal. There was still room, just not under the tree. 🙂

We set up camp and decided we better see if there was a grocery store open. No such luck. But the Dollar General was. So, I ran in while Jim was on the phone and picked up a couple of necessary items – like water, bread and lunchmeat.

Today was Father’s Day.

I kept forgetting today was a special day. Grant (from Kiowa County Media Center) and I had been texting each other before we ever left home. He needed to meet up with us before we got the combine rolling in the wheat to install the HPJ Combine Cam equipment in the cab. The previous setup (what we were all used to) couldn’t work because the cab was all different. Nothing was the same as what we had all been used to. Some people relish in change and upgrades and some do not. I believe Jim and I are probably a few of the ones who do not. What we had before worked and was working just fine (sign of getting old?) so why change? One of the last texts I received from Grant last night was wondering what time he should be to the farmyard. Jim’s reply was the earlier the better. They decided on 8:00 because Grant reminded us that it was, in fact, Father’s Day and he wanted to be able to spend some of the day with his family. CRAP! I had forgotten (and then felt bad).

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

Grant was at the yard well before 8:00. I’m pretty sure he had it installed within an hour or so and was back on the road, making the two-hour drive back to Greensburg.

All day, he and I played tag with texts trying to get the crazy thing going before it went live. I would be ready to do something and then he had to be away for a while. And then he would be ready to try something and I had to take the truck to town. Seemed like it went back and forth like this all day. Until Jim finally went after the Pete. Then I had a little more time. And we finally did get it set up and ready to go.

Today was Father's Day

These are the sort of screen shots I would send to Grant and he would tell me what step to take next. 🙂

Today was Father’s Day.

The girls each took the time to call their dad – or text him. But he had no time. He was too busy attempting to get everything in the field and doing the job we were here to do. Had they been here with us, they would have been back at camp preparing a nice meal and making special goodies to bring him to the field. That’s how it used to be. But things change and it’s not like it used to be. Each one called and received the same sort of response…”I’m just too busy to talk right now.” But he was thankful they took the time but I know he would have rather had them here.

The stress of this business seems to have really played into how he was feeling today. He really hasn’t been the same since his road trip to Texas, Kansas and Colorado well over a month ago. I have seen him age because of it. It breaks my heart to see him struggle with trying to figure so many things out. Trying to do the job we started doing together 36 years ago. And even I begin to wonder if it’s worth it. And the idea of walking away from everything we both loved about this industry begins to creep into our souls.

Today was Father’s Day.

We had a crazy, stressful day. The first day now feels like it was a month-long. We lost the key to the shop trailer. The header wouldn’t go on the new machine quite as easily as the previous machine. Frank had a few things in the box that needed to be unloaded. Multiple trips were made from one place to another in the heat of the day. The combine had a minor issue (it fixed itself). And there were combines running all around us. We should have been here a couple of days earlier. But who would have known? The wheat ripened extra fast after we were here the first time. (Lots of 100 degree days and strong south winds did that.)  About four days sooner than we had planned. And the stress could be seen in Jim’s eyes. I tried to do all I could but the mind can sometimes just make everything worse when you focus on all that has to be done. It’s overwhelming and you just want to walk away.

But we didn’t. We kept pushing and moving and doing and pretty soon, we were starting to get into a groove. Things were starting to feel “normal” again.

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

Today was Father's Day

I really do feel sorry for those who have never experienced the sweet smell of wheat coming out from the back of a truck!

Today was Father’s Day.

As I took the last load of the day to the elevator, I got really emotional. This way of life has been what I’ve known – what we’ve known. I looked at the lights of the combines, trucks and grain carts as I made my way to town and my heart swelled with love for what we do. What we GET to do. The coolness of the evening took me back to the days of being a young girl on harvest. The sweet smell of the cut wheat brought back a memory that involved young kids and babies and hauling meals and chasing parts and being a part of a team. Pulling into the elevator at the end of a long, stress-filled day gave me a sense of a job well done.

We made it through the first day!

Today was Father's Day

As I thought about all these memories and smells and sights, I felt like I really needed to try to soak it all up. But I just don’t know how to effectively do that. I know we’re getting older with each harvest that we meet head-on. I know our days are probably limited to getting to experience what harvest is all about and this saddens me. This is something I never thought about before. Not when we had so many years ahead of us.

Today was Father’s Day.

I didn’t get my Dad called because we were so busy. But I know he knows that. He knows what being on harvest and doing this job is all about. And I know he will forgive me. Because he knows that not everyone can take a day off work to celebrate – he’s lived it.  I’ll just call him another day and wish him a late Happy Father’s Day. But…I’ll also tell him now. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Today was Father's Day

My Dad.

harvest18…what’s in store for the zcrew?

The yellow rose is blooming.

harvest18

The rose-ometer is telling us it’s time to be heading south. Wishing we were joining those fortunate enough to have something to head there for!

In past years, this was the indicator that it was time to be packing the trailer house, getting equipment loaded and heading south.

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a throwback to july 1977

throwback to July 1977 / nebraskawheatie.com

While looking for some pictures recently, I came across a gem of a throwback dated July 13, 1977. Marge Bale of the Sidney (Nebraska) Telegraph visited our camp while we were cutting wheat in the Lodgepole area to gather her “story”. I thought it would be a good treasure to keep on this blog and to share with you. My goodness…I see quite a few things have changed since then!

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small-town america

Tecumseh NebraskaTecumseh, Nebraska store fronts around the town square. 

So, it seems I’ve been to more small towns in Nebraska the last several days than usual. From one end of the state to the other. East to west and back east again. I’ve seen thriving communities and some that are basically dying – if not dead.

And hidden gems.

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spring has sprung

Our brief, but eventful, weekend ended yesterday.

We left Lusk about 8:00 am “their time” or 9:00 am “our time”. I’m certain the Graham family has a love/hate relationship when the Z’s come to visit. They are always so good to us and take care of us so well. And we ALWAYS have a grand time with them – ALWAYS! BUT…when it’s time to say goodbye, I know they are secretly thinking, “Oh no, here we go again”. Goodbyes are never easy for me. The tears come easily – they always have so I can’t even blame it on getting older. And then there’s the dreaded hugs. I know not everyone is a hugger; however, I am. And if you’re going to be someone I care about…you’re going to get hugged – at some point!

We left after the hugs (there were no tears…well, none that were visible to the Graham’s anyways). Taylor behind the wheel and Callie sitting shotgun. I took the backseat for two reasons. 1. The car we drove has awful front seats even though it’s supposed to be a “luxury” car. All they do is create more of a lower back issue for me than I already have. 2. I figured the sisters would have a good time being able to chat. Taylor was on a mission. We needed to get to the Kearney Archway in plenty of time to go through the exhibit and it closed at 5:00 pm “our time”.

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road trippin with the girls

Taylor sent a text to the entire family several weeks ago, “Going to Lusk the first weekend in May to Collette’s graduation. Who’s in?”

No one had to ask me more than once! I was definitely in!

The Graham family has been more family than friends for a very long time. It goes way back to the first year we landed in Jordan, Montana in 1981. My grandparents and parents cut for Nicole’s dad, Charlie. Nicole was five years old. She now has a family of her own. When we used to go to Jordan, the girls hung out at their house all the time…practically living there, I would say. So, they’ve been pretty darn special to us for quite some time. And not just Nicole but the whole darn Murnion clan!

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